Code switching is incredibly common, and there’s nothing innately racist (or sexist or homophobic) about it. It’s very typical for minorities as they feign assimilation in situations where their minority status might otherwise become uncomfortably centered. White people do it too – and not just racially. And that’s ok, mostly. The issue is that – like many subconscious behaviors – it can reveal subconscious racism/sexism/etc.
Mansplaining is an interesting example of non-racial code switching. While mansplaining is often thought of as sexist, as a man, I can mansplain to you that it’s actually not – men mansplain at each other, too.
I think the correct understanding of it is not as misogynistic so much as hegemonic. It’s a moment when a person adopts the patriarchy. Both channeling it to disseminate (haha semen) canonical knowledge, and using it to absorb its authority.
Mansplaining is about putting on the Dad Voice, the authoritative tone they picked up from their dad (or dads) when s/he taught them something. It’s condescending and insulting when 1) you already know the thing they’re explaining and you’re just sitting there stewing in the fact that they think you don’t, or 2) you’re not a child. If either of those conditions apply, it can come across as offensive.
As young men transition into regular men, there’s this subconsciously hegemonic idea of taking on the mantle of manhood, becoming The Dad. We start to adopt mannerisms, tones, and postures that help us situate ourselves in that role.
Mansplaining, I contend, is code switching into Dad Mode. The mansplainer isn’t (always) being intentionally patriarchal, they’re often just trying to help. But, unfortunately, generational and patriarchal hegemonies are deeply tied to our understanding of credibility and factual authority – we each become Carriers of The Canon – and, insofar as those motivations aren’t interrogated, they’re likely to come out inappropriately: condescendingly, pejoratively.
Pro tip to New Dads (of any gender). Build your own canon; become seekers and sharers of obscure knowledge, interesting tidbits, counterintuitive facts, and narratives that run tangentially to accepted history. Make terms like spurious, apocryphal, and revisionist butter your toast in the morning and tuck you in at night.
That way, people will spend so much time wondering whether you’re just making all this shit up that they won’t even notice any accidentally mansplainy tone.